Tuesday, May 23, 2017

10 Kanye Tweets In The Running For My Tombstone Quote

Taken with a grain of salt... or without, some of Sir Kanye's tweets are pretty fulfilling and have the potential, to sum up, the meaning of my life in 140 characters or less. I am pretty sure engravers charge by the letter on tombstones anyways, right? Sometimes less is more. Love him or hate him, his tweets are nothing short of art. There is a lot of pressure that goes into a tombstone saying so instead of putting myself under more distress than Yeezy's fashion line I am going to cop one of his almighty influential sayings.

1. Kanye thinks he invented Kanye, but guess what if this makes it to my tombstone, who got the last word?

2. At the end of the day, I am the only one in my coffin. Everyone that was a "Ride or Die" tapped out at some point.

3. Catch me at the gRAVE party next year with special performances by the Grimm Reaper and the Devil himself.

4. I feel like I've heard this quote from somewhere before.... OH YEAH, in my history textbook. 

5. Samsies. Ask my student loan officer how proud I was.

6. Can you do laser imaging on headstones? #AskingForAFriend

7. It is a little late for me, but you go on ahead.

8. Let's get the tenses right here. "This WAS not an album of the year. This WAS an album of the life."

9. If we want to measure my level of success, here you go. 

10. Nothing would ring truer on a tombstone than this. Fans, I think we've found a winner.

Monday, April 24, 2017

UNLV Parking During Finals Week As Told By The Hunger Games

School is almost out, just a few more finals, an essay or two, and one more presentation to sit through. You know you can see the light at the end of the tunnel... oh wait, that is actually someone flashing their brights because you're moving too slow in the black lot.  Here we have it friends, the cherry on top of all college campuses... parking. During finals week, this is a war zone. No one is safe and The Hunger Games does a pretty accurate job at describing our blistering emotions.

You have to wake up an hour earlier because you know you will have to fight for a spot

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Driving in and seeing half of the lot already blocked off

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Convinced UNLV gets a kick out of seeing us scramble during the most important part of the semester.

So you begin to casually stalk people who are walking to their car with hopes you will get their spot

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Then you become enraged when some jerk whips in front of you and steals said spot

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You find yourself driving in circles just trying to find any sliver to squeeze into

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All hope is gone by the third lap

Then you start yelling at no one because people are backing out but you are six cars behind and don't stand a chance

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You contemplate parking in the tow away zone because you are THAT desperate

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You get a jolt of excitement as you see an open slice amidst two cars...again

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The holy grail of parking...

Then someone else takes it and that someone probably hasn't shown up to class since syllabus week.

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What gives you the right?!

Being super excited you found a spot just to find out theres a smart car parked there.

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From afar you see someone give you the nod and you speed demon over to their spot

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After you have parked you do a mini celebration in your car

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Then you are running through the lot praying to the classroom gods the doors are not locked yet

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You make your way back and find a ticket on your window

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Wednesday, April 19, 2017

4 Things You Need To Know About The Unicorn Frappuccino at Starbucks

Thanks to Starbucks you can FOR REAL buy a unicorn. Finally a drink that is as majestic as you are. Starting TODAY, this magical creature is available UNTIL APRIL 23RD before it jumps back over the rainbow into Neverland. Until then, here is what the masses have found out...

It's good for cute colorful photos.

This is honestly a genius marketing move on Starbucks' side. Anyone who orders this will instantly take a photo and post it somewhere on social media, or even write a blog post (@ me). Take advantage of your full drink and pop a picture up on instagram. It'll spice up your profile and probably generate some buzz from those that have no idea what the unicorn drink is.

It tastes like Tropical Skittles but looks like cotton candy.

If that doesn't throw your mind through a whirl I'm not sure what will. Part of this mythical creatures magic is the fact that it changes colors and changes flavors. At first sip, I thought I was going to be getting a sweet milkshake type flavor, but then on the next sip, all I tasted was tart mango. I almost felt uncomfortable drinking it because this drink was blue & pink but tasted like a tropical breeze smoothie. WHY?!?

It's actually diabetes in a cup.

Do you even know what kind of confectionery sugar is in this get-up? It starts with blended crème mixed with mango syrup and a sweet pink powder, making your first sips fruity filled. The tart comes from the blue sour swirls laced into the mixture topped off with real whipped cream and fairy dust (if I must). I never knew Starbucks would be the new Fairy tale land. 

Even the barista will think your brave for trying it. 

When I went into place my fairyland order the barista goes " Wow, you're bold for trying that." Thank you barista man... that is really comforting when I'm about to spend the last $5 I have in my bank account on a drink that seems pretty daring in nature. What can I say, I like to live on the edge.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A Letter To Those Graduating College Without a Job

Dear Graduate,

First and foremost, CONGRATULATIONS! You did it! You made it through your final semester. Welcome to the end but also a brand new beginning. In just a few short weeks you will be walking across that stage donning your well deserved cap and gown and probably downing a 40 oz before hand. Bring on the champagne!

Although, I bet it is kind of hard to celebrate your efforts when you're leaving college with no job offer, no prospects and everyone asking you “What do you plan to do now?” 

You are probably feeling slightly defeated, but mostly unsatisfied. You’ve completed all the proper steps. You have completed the internships, applied for jobs, have gone to all of the interviews, and even experienced some early on rejection e-mails in the process. As a graduating senior, I felt cheated. “Go to college,” they said, “so you can make a better life for yourself.” I don’t know about you but, I was not feeling too confident in myself and my stack of student loans that will gracefully be making an appearance in 6 months whether you like it or not. 

There is nothing harder than admitting you have no idea what your next move is. You might be feeling disappointed in yourself because you worked so hard for this B.S. and are walking out feeling cheated.

I want you to know it is OK to not know. 

Not everyone is going to walk out with a degree and their life being lined up for them. In fact, 4 out of 5 college graduates leave college without a job offer. So if you’re are one of those 4, you are not alone. You’re actually among the masses. 

For the first time in your life you are in complete control. You have done your required K-12 and then your highly encouraged 4 years in college.  No one is telling you what you have to do next. Maybe another degree is in the works or you will dedicate more time to the job you work at currently to pass the time. There is a little bit of glory in knowing your next step is completely up to you.

There is nothing wrong with not working in your field RIGHT after college. Jobs are hard to find and can be extremely competitive when you do find them. Take this time to figure out what you genuinely want to do. What do you like or not like about your degree? Maybe you don;t even like the degree you got? This is the tie for some serious self reflection and goal setting. 

Hold on. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Give yourself a year and see where you are. You maybe exactly where you want to be or have a completely new life plan.  Remember how you switched your major 3 times? Yeah, that’s going to happen in your life consistently. Get used to it. You are constantly growing and changing. Do what feels right for you and tell those pesky people asking what your next move is that you have no freaking clue and you are 100% okay with it. 

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

An Open Thank You Letter To The Boss That Keeps It 100

Dear Badass Boss,

First of all, I appreciate you. I probably do not tell you this enough but you are a fantastic human being. I think your work is a little under appreciated and I just want you to know how grateful I am for your existence. Coming from a subordinates perspective, I want to say thank you for actually getting it. 

First off, thanks for hiring me. I know I told you I would like to work here because I align with the company values but honestly, I just really enjoy being a foodie and I need a paycheck to make that happen. I later found out that was one of your hobbies as well and the reason you put up with my shenanigans.

Thank you for working smarter not harder. You are always making changes for the greater good and as a staff member I'm grateful you knowing how to do your job. Tell your boss that I'm personally complimenting you because they hired a good one.

Thanks for teaching me to be a better employee and not a classic asshole. I am now familiar with regular work courtesies and that is something they neglect to teach us in the classroom. Real world experience pays off. 

Thanks for emailing all the people I don't want to email. An occasional "chill out" email is much appreciated by your team when unnecessary sass is headed our way. You're a solid backbone.

Thank you for understanding I'd rather send you a text than get up from my chair and ask you in person because there is a certain level of laziness I'm aspiring to achieve.

Thank you for always approving my time off. Life is short and I'm not trying to wait until I retire to see the world. You get that.

Thank you for making work a place I didn't dread going to. Somehow I found comfort in waking up at the crack of dawn to fulfill requests from people I've never met but your relaxed attitude gave me some piece of mind. 

Thanks for providing an open ear. I know I complain a lot but I'd rather complain to you about all the nonsense than go off on someone I'm not supposed to. Seriously, not all heroes wear capes. 

Thank you for not saying anything when I'd come in late. I think we had an unstated agreement that as long as I was there before you arrived, all was well. Or maybe that was just all in my head...

Thanks for editing all of my HR emails. Whenever I had to send an important e-mail I would second guess my wording until the cows come home but you were there to reassure me that I didn't need to sound like an encyclopedia to get my point across. Thanks for keeping it basic.

Thank you for being my solid support system. You understood that I had an ambitious soul, would eventually move onto something bigger and you never held me back. You would only let me leave if the money was better though and I'm glad you were looking out for my financials like that. 

Essentially, I wanted to thank you for all the experiences you provided me and for allowing me to grow as a team member and an individual within your department. I know it wasn't always easy, but it was always fun. Thanks for always keepin' it 100 with me. 


The Daily Cup of JoJo