Sunday, December 14, 2014

My Grown-up Christmas List



Dear Santa,
Another year has come and gone. All the kiddies get to write their letters to you but I'm not sure if adults have that same luxury. Do you have a different address for adult letters? Would you sort them according to naughty and nice? Do I write and tell you what I want, or do you expect something more mature?

I think I've been pretty good. I've been as good as an adult can get at least.  Do I need to pitch my case to you? I didn't get a lawyer or anything but I guess if it comes down too it....

Now, I know you're not a miracle worker, but I've seen what some of these kids ask for and
I think we can expect the impossible from the man up in the North Pole. So, Mr. Clause, let's crank this out.

I'd like an intro to world peace, a natural disaster halt, and an end to terminal ear cancer....


Not buying it, aye? I know, you can't bull-crap the the bull-crapper right? Let's dish this out man to (wo)man.

1. I'd like some new flannel sheets, but please don't tell my dog. I need new ones because she likes chew the corners of mine.

2. A straightener and/or a curling iron. Come on Santa, in order for me to stay good, I've got to look good. Help a sistah out.

3. Gossip Girl: All seasons. Yes, it's on my Netflix account, but my brother took the XBOX upstairs so my Netflix doesn't connect to the downstairs big screen anymore. So either he moves the game console downstairs or I get the full season set of Gossip Girl.

4. A Micheal Kors bag, and the matching wallet. I know you can work out some kind of trademark agreement between your elves and the Kor's company. Work your magic St. Nick

5. A subscription to Fast Company. Mine ran out about a year ago and I've been to lazy to sign back up.

How long should I make this thing? When is it "too much?"

6. Money: I'm not hard to please. I can probably get more bang for my buck than you can.All of your stuff is "Made in the North Pole," and mine is from China...

7. Maleficent, the DVD.

8. Steve Madden High Heels with the studs on them. I saw them in the Macy's window display. Size 7.5

I really hope you get this Santa and it's not just some postal worker using up a perfectly good stamp. Just so were clear, Christmas is my favorite time of the year, I could just be sucking up, but I could not be as well. Take it as you want Clause but I hope to see you (or not see you) in the 24th.

Merry Christmas To all, and to all put up a fight!
XOXO
Jordan

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