Friday, December 19, 2014

To My Neighbor With His Constant Car Alarm



Hey, hows it going? Good?
Yeah I bet, because your car is kind of a night owl isn't it?
Night owls tend to be the life of the party.
Well hey I just wanted to bring to your attention that your car goes off every two hours in the middle of the night. Maybe one of your ex's kept your spare set of keys  has a vendetta against you and drives by your place multiple times each night clicking the "Panic" button. Maybe your car just has an electrical issue going on, although I highly doubt that considering you just ripped off the paper license plate and replaced it with a newly registered one.

Either way, I hate to be the person that disturbs the party,  but I kind of want to sleep through the night over my winter breaks instead of being woken up intermittently by your cars constant shouting. So I've come up some suggestions for you to consider that will allow me to hit the correct amount of REM cycles, the community to not come at you with a civil suit, and you to never have to hear from us again.

1. Talk to your car, figure out what's going on in it's life. Does he need help in any areas of his life? A mechanic is like a therapist yenno. Schedule it an appointment.

2. Disable your alarm every night before bed. Instead of using the time you get home to texty-text for 45 minutes in your driveway use that time to checky-check your dashboard and turn your alarm off. Or at least turn it to a less sensitive level. We live in a safe neighborhood, and even if we didn't I still don't think you have anything to worry about, unlike my neighbor here over on the other side of me. That's another letter for another time.

3. Get a guard dog. Dogs barks go much easier unheard than car alarms. Plus, it's probably just cats that touch your overly sensitive car and the dog wouldn't let that happen.

I really don't want to file a noise complaint but this has gone on for too long now. If it happens after ten (which is curfew... midnight on weekends) I'll be forced to ensure stricter consequences. I've been in this neighborhood for 20 years, and you, sir, are a renter.  Frankly, I think I have a stronger community pull than you.

Unless someone is actually breaking into your car every night, every two hours, there is no need for this. I gotta hand it to you though, if that's the case, it takes major guts to leave your car outside the garage instead of pulling in. Unless, you know your car alarm is going to go off and wake up your house house. Better your house than the whole freaking street!

I hope I've left you some insight. I'll be here tomorrow night, hoping to get my full REM cycle.

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