Jordan as a Critic

Friday, October 24, 2014

You know those movies that you almost cringe when you hear the title? Like when someone says "Hey, do you wanna come over and watch *insert awful movie title here*" and you think to yourself "I'd rather chew nails than watch that movie again." Well, you're not alone because we all have that experience. I for sure do, and I'll let you know that I would much rather watch paint dry than see any of the movies listed below.

1. Click 

Why did this movie even make it to DVD let alone, the theaters? Seriously? A guy can control everything at the click of a button...none the less a flipping TV remote? (haha pun intended) Click is supposed to be a comedy, but all Adam Sandler does that's "kinda" funny is pause life and punch them in the face, then click "play" again. Especially because of there's some sappy part in the movie where the "drama" sets in and Sandler gets a reality check. Did anyone see that coming? You're too predictable, bye.

2. The Epic Movie


Sometimes these movies that incorporate other movies can be kind of funny, but this one was just all around bad.This is an excellent mesh of   Nacho Libre and Borat with a Narnia twist.  Let's be a little more creative, shall we? Jordan's Critic: Delivered few laughs and was almost impossible to sit through because the characters were not able to relate to the audience and they were just plain dumb.  This is not even a real movie none the less an "Epic Movie."

3. The Haunted Mansion

You know, the one with Eddie Murphy. I think Eddie is great but seriously what kind of movie is this? It's not scary, and literally, Eddie's character is right, it is just about some dead ghost who wants to get jiggy with the wife. I thought this was a Disney movie? The butler guy is creepy, the son makes me crazy with how scared he is, and the daughter is a stuck-up know-it-all. I can't deal with that movies. The only thing I can stand is the lady inside the crystal ball; she is about as far as my "favorites" go for this film. The ride is 10x better than the movie, so if you feel like you're missing out, just take a tour for yourself in the magical land of Disney.

4. The Happening


Nothing is happening in "The Happening." This movie is flawed, and  I give it major thumbs down. These characters are running from the air! It is not even scary, suspenseful (maybe a little), but there is nothing that freaks me out about this movie. All of a sudden people want to commit suicide? Suicide is a choice; nothing exists that makes you want to kill yourself otherwise this little planet is in for a great treat. 

Check out my YELP page for my REAL reviews.

1 comment

  1. Click is such a cute heart warming movie! How can you like it? I don't know about you anymore, Jordan.

    -Alexis V.


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