A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead all Share a Man: Recapping Week 5 of The Bachelor (Possible Spoiler's Ahead)

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

The Bachelor Tea: Recapping Week 5

Alright y'all. We've reached week 5 in bachelor nation and things are HEATING UP. And I'm not just talking about the sweat rolling down Onyeka's face. There was no rose ceremony tonight so I'm not sure if what I have to say constitutes as a spoiler but ONE person was eliminated. Read on if you dare or if you just don't care. 

Initial thoughts:

-Why are people eating bugs and kissing people?

-Elyse, you screwed my bracket

-In what world is Demi ready for marriage?

-That's an angry walk.

First order of business. Heather got the ONE on ONE!
*Cassie also did too, but I think we all saw that coming so I won't spend any time on that. 

The Bachelor Tea: Recapping Week 5

Ms. Never Been Kissed, I'm so happy you got the first date. I was low key rooting for your first kiss to be on your favorite island, with fireworks, a charming guy, that you just had a miraculous time with. Its almost as if ABC set this one up? If you're not catching my drift Ms. Never Been Kissed has now upgraded to Ms. Has Been Kissed. Yum!

We found out that Heather ad a boyfriend for 8 months. I do have respect for her in the no kissing regard, like that is holding yourself through tried and true, however, I think Colton is totally right for being concerned about the lack of a kiss. Relationships need physical intimacy. Heather has gone so long without a kiss so clearly, so conversation should be her forte, yet Heather and Colton are commenting on how pretty the rocks are. SO CRINGY. 

Heather seems so genuine but I think Colton is looking for something a little more. Heather seems a little too excited about everything going on. I bet its just nerves talking. This is her first kiss at stake here! The number of zoom-ins on mouths during this date was so UNCOMFORTABLE. We all know why she's here, and we all know why Colton is here. Where are the zoom-ins on his package though? Am I Right?

Elyse got dolled up to dump Colton and that is the kind of energy we need in 2019.

The Bachelor Tea: Recapping Week 5

Elyse. I think you could have gone so far in this process but i often found myself wondering if your heart was really in this. You just got a one on one and I know its hard to see Colton go on another one on one dates but seriously, every other girl in the house is experiencing what you're feeling. He's not stopping ABC The Bachelor for you. this is where you either rise to the top or set your heart straight... in the direction of the door! You were so ready for this, you just needed to let Colton realize he is too.

I lost a lot of REspect for Elyse because she got up in the middle of heather explaining her one on one date to the rest of the group. Like that is her time. She gave you your time. So disrespectful, especially because you knew you were going to break up with him anyways!  let Heather have her time, then make your move. This is isn't behavior i expected from you. 

Going to the bachelors room used to not be allowed. The producers have gotten soft. What did you expect Colton to say? Okay lets quit this show and go ? No, the show must go on. With a broken bracket for me too. So, thanks a lot Elyse.

Group Date AKA Fear Factor

The Bachelor Tea: Recapping Week 5

I'd like to preface this blurb with the fact that I would never do any of the Fear Factor-inspired tasks this episode had for a a man.

This date is all about Demi in my opinion. Then again, what about this show isn't? Demi. My woman. She definitely has the mentality "if you’re not cheating you’re not trying." Instead of participating in the competition that made the girls hike around Thailand's forests, looking for slugs to eat and fresh water to drink, she talked her team in to getting drinks at the hotel. "These other girls can suck maggots, as for me I’m drinking champagne." - Demi

Colton definitely appreciated the creativity. Even he was struggling through this excursions. All the girls that participated in this deserve roses.

However, I'll give credit where credit is earned. Hannah B. ate a slug, Nicole pulled an eel out of the ground, and Tayisha held a scorpion. Colton on the other hand, ran away from a snake. 

Tussle in Thailand

The cocktail party is where the drama really conspired. Although it's just a bunch of she said, she said, she said.

Onyeka went up to Colton and said that Nicole was only on the show to hopefully create an opportunity to get out of Miami because that is what Elyse (we all remember Elyse, right?) said to her before leaving. Obvi, Colton's worse fear with this show, but that's show biz baby. However, Onyeka did not clarify that with Nicole before talking to Colton, when all Nicole said was you have to take every opportunity in life. Tayisha even had Nicole's back on this because Nicole probably felt personally victimized by Onyenka.

So of course, Nicole goes to defend herself but actually starts exaggerating a lot of things about what Onyeka is saying/doing, which Then Colton confronts Onyeka to discuss.

Now Onyeka and Nicole are raising their voices at each other during the middle of the cocktail party, so everyone else can hear them. Colton was across the proeprty talking to Katie (I'm sorry, but who is she?!) and literally left that conversation to go squash Onyeka's and Nicole's. The episode ends with Colton pushing away Onyeka and Nicole because he "just needs to be alone right now." 

To be continued.... #childsplay

Last thought: Hannah Beast is back int he game

The Bachelor Tea: Recapping Week 5

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