7 Steps To Dating Yourself Because (Repeat After Me) I LOVE MYSELF

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

7 Steps To Dating Yourself Because You Need Alone Time

When Hailee Steinfeld said "gonna love myself, yeah, I don't need anyone else" I FELT THAT.

If there's one thing you should know about me, it is that I am obsessed with myself.

Wow, now that you know I love me, I want to tell you how I became a serial dater. Like seriously, I was going on dates constantly... with myself.  You'd think after 21 years together things would be pretty serious, but I needed to reconnect with myself.

Many moons ago my ex-boyfriend and I broke up after being together for a few years. Once we broke up I realized I was a free bird. I only had to ask myself and make sure only my wants and needs were met.

How to care for your self |  Post Break Up Steps | How to Move on | Self care

I have to say, my first date with myself was unplanned an unexpected. I went to a Starbucks to get some studying done, and three hours later, I got none of the studying done, wrote about 4 blog posts (thanks post-breakup emotions), and had 6 pages doodled and written in my journal.  Needless to say, I had a lot of words and didn't regret a single moment of spending that time with myself. Right then and there I told myself I wanted to take myself out more often.

How to care for your self |  Post Break Up Steps | How to Move on | Self care

I began exploring other things I never even knew I loved. I met new people, took on leadership roles, and reconnected with old hobbies and habits.

I took myself to museums.

I studied alone.

I wrote in my journal every day.

I traveled.

I skipped class to watch Gossip Girl. (Once, I felt guilty doing it, so I never did it again)

I redecorated my room.

I dressed up for no reason at all.

I spent time in my own head.

Eventually, I became committed to myself. I was 100% in love with me.

Yep. I love me. It's not a cocky thing, it's not even a confidence thing, it's an "I'm committed to spending time with myself" thing.

At the end of the day, regardless of your relationship status you only have yourself. You and your happiness. This is why the relationship you build with yourself has to be the most important. 

How can you dedicate your time to yourself when you're trying to balance work, school, friends, and everyday life?

How to care for your self |  Post Break Up Steps | How to Move on | Self care

1. Pick a date and stick to it.

Figure out how often you want to spend time with yourself, adjust if need be, and don't budge. If you live by your time this can be anytime you have alone, but if you don't have that option, you have to be a stickler about scheduling. Start with one day a month where you take yourself out and do what you want to do. If a friend asks you to go out, unless, One Direction is announcing a reunion tour, you are not canceling on yourself. There is no shame in saying, "No, sorry, I have a  date with myself actually!."

2. Plan it out

Pick out what it is you want to do. Do you want to take yourself out to a movie, maybe treat yourself out to lunch, or sit in the park all day and catch up on your favorite book? Figure out what it is that you want to do and stick to that. The main thing here is to do something that allows you to get comfortable with yourself as just yourself. See the list below for some solo date ideas.

3. Don't Be Rude

Don't do something you wouldn't do if you were out with another person. You don't want to be rude to yourself, right?  Resist the urge to pull out your cell phone because this time is all about you! There's nothing happening on your device that can't wait until your date is over. Don't take too long to order, don't be rude to the staff, don't text or Snapchat everything you're doing.

4. Dress the part

You are taking yourself out. Only if the activity calls for leggings and a t-shirt should you be wearing just that. You wouldn't put your lazy Sunday look forward at a brunch outing right? You owe this to yourself to present your self in the appropriate manner. Don't get lazy on yourself now! 

5. Do things

Go do what you set yourself up to do! Take that walk, cook that mal, order that latte. Commit to doing this activity to your fullest extent. I can tell you right now, no one cares if you are out doing something on your own. No one is staring at you wondering why you are alone. And on the off chance someone is staring at you, you don't owe anyone an explanation. Would you give an explanation if you were on a date with someone else? Probably not because you're so consumed with what's happening right in front of you, which is exactly how you should go into this.

6. Reflect

Did you like what you did? How did you feel? I strongly recommend writing down your experience in a journal, or an online blog, etc because it really helps you piece together what you like and don't like. If you didn't like the activity you just completed, guess what you never have to do it again, because now you know. If you loved the activity, excellent, see the next step

7. Reschedule with yourself

Set up your next date if you haven't already. Keep the momentum dating until you are completely obsessed with yourself or crazy because you've spent SO much alone time you crave any sort of interaction. Okay, no don't get extreme with it but reschedule these until you learn to be obsessed with yourself! 

Here are some date ideas for you to consider when dating yourself:

  • An exercise class, or multiple (yoga, dance, boxing, etc.)
  • Coffee shop classics like reading a book, writing in your journal, or doodling
  • Take yourself out to a sporting event, museum, or maybe go shopping
  • Indoor sky diving
  • Solo Happy Hour (I promise, it's not as sad as it sounds)
  • Go see your fave artist that's in town that your friends just "don't get the hype" about
  • Alternatively, be impromptu about this.
  • Try a new activity!
  • Cook yourself dinner and pour a glass of wine

How to care for your self |  Post Break Up Steps | How to Move on | Self care

Dating yourself in this capacity allows you to really get to know yourself. So when the time comes that a special someone is worth your attention you will know exactly what you want or can have an easy conversation with all your redefined and reconnected hobbies! Set yourself up for success and love your self.

This post was inspired by Coffelicious.

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